What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
