God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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