So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
