did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
