mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
