youre lurking in front of me
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
