The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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