He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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