just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
