so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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