I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
