didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize