we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
