So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
