we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
