i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Those nachos came to me in a dream
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
