All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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