I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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