I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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