I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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