No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
