Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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