So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
