peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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