I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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