NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize