when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
