If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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