sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
