Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
