Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
