I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Randomize
