I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
