I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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