I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
