You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm getting married
To pizza
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
