If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
