He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
