everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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