I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
