people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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