nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
