dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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