Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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