Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
