yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Randomize
