If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
