are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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