All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
