I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
